"I hate my Mama..." Those were the words I'd written in my diary that my Mom accidentally read. It tore through her heart & opened her eyes to the truth that she never realize was there, I never felt her presence. I grew up with a complete family & the full attention was on me.My needs were given and there were times even my wants were easily provided, I can claim life was easy. Then my brother, Modart, ruined that scene, that feeling. I felt like I lost everyone. He was always the baby, I was invincible. He gets everything he wants, I get the leftovers. Life was unfair. I became a rebel by not attending my classes. I felt like life was cruel to me so I should do what I want & not do what I don't. That simple. Moving on, I did everything that could hurt my Mom (not my intention to hurt my Dad but he got hurt as well) except drugs. I partied with wrong friends, I drank alcoholic drinks, I smoke and most of all, I lied to them a lot. That I did to let my Mom realize that I also exist & I need her too. All it took was four words, "I hate my Mama..", for her senses to return. A gap existed between us since then. I didn't exert any effort to get close to her but I can feel that she wanted to do something that could break the walls I built. Then came the time I was in college. I didn't wanna take up Nursing (Mama's a nurse) but I was obliged to (by Daddy) since I had to make-up for my rebellion days in High School. I never loved my course & never will maybe because I lack the strength to face dying people, comfort the love ones or to move on when someone dies on my shift. I am strong but not that strong.. I studied in Mindanao after my two years in Cebu. There I felt the need of her hands, of her touch. She didn't know I got sick for 2 months for crying at night wanting to snuggle next to her at bed (and asthma). I missed her so much that I felt the need to go home at least once a week. I wanted to tell her that I can't bear another day in Ozamiz, that it kills me not to know she's ok. At that time, she already suffered CHF or congestive Heart Failure, Hypertension & Diabetes Mellitus. Then she suddenly opened up & asked me how I felt that time I wrote those four striking words, I was out of words. I couldn't tell her exactly how I felt but one thing come out of my mouth, "I love you Ma.." I said that in utmost sincerity... I love you Ma... We cried & forgiveness was apparent. Who would know that the damage of those four words would be healed by another four words..? Now, it's almost her birthday & I just want you to know that I love you Ma... No matter how plain those words may seem, I love you... And i'll never ever ask for another Mother as loving, as understanding & as giving as you. Happy Birthday Ma & I wish that God will give you more years for us (Me, Matthew & Modart) to express our love & gratitude to you... We are a year away from fulfilling our "London Dream" & Modart's gonna fulfill your "American Dream". We ♥♥♥ You! I LOVE YOU MA!
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